but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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