Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
