if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
