my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
