plz talk dirty to me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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