ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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