Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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