that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
