You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
