watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
