What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
