i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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