Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
