lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
