Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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