Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
