I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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