Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
