saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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