Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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