omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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