What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
