I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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