The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
