I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
