Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
