I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
