im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
