I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
