I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
