I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Damn victory sex feels great
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
