Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
