so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
