Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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