I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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