Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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