my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
