Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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