Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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