He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
