i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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