New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want her autograph on my taint
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
