So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
