how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
