You're my little dorito
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
