and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
