make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
