I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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