the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
