she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
