He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
