I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
