I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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